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First off let me say that for all of my life, I have thought that this introspection and re-visiting our past was pretty "lame". Trendy and sport for psudo intellectuals who were getting in touch with their "feminine" side or inner children. I certainly would have never ventured into this area except that it is a recommended thing to do when on the road to recovery. Like most things I do, I study, and research the thing to death. After finding four well defined kinds of "Moral Inventory" processes, I asked my sponsor for his advice and was grateful for the help. This is my first time through the steps. I was given a quiz , asking direct questions about my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, about 225 questions in all I guess, which was really good for me because it gave me a place to begin, This also gave me a chance to take the time to think about my life, the whole story and not just in episodes as I usually do. It also came out and bluntly asked me questions about issues in my life that I had been (wait for it, boys and girls...............) in denial about, and would rather not face. To fearlessly admit to myself the abuse that I suffered at the hands of others and the abuse that I have inflicted on others.
I have done this step just recently. I am here to tell you that through the whole process Jesus has been so close to me. He is the Truth, the Life, and the Way. He shows me that I will know the truth and the truth will set me free. I have been in bondage for so long, the road that I travel now has many painful days, but these are healing pains and not the injurious kind. This step is not at all what I thought that it would be, silly and frivolous, instead this step is a tryst with my Saviour.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Ps 139:23-24
Truly,
Trev.
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